On new relationships

It's been ages since I last posted anything on my blog. New company, new friends and a helluva of great experience (Yo, Jakarta!). The past couple of months were really busy. While going through everything, I was flighty, anxious and snappish. I needed an avenue to unload all my angst without being judged and subjected to rumors. This blog has been my home for how many years now and I know that my home will gladly welcome my dreary soul back. chos!

Lately, I've been hanging out with a lot of debate friends. Admittedly, I can be an exclusivist in terms of dealing with people. I value relationships so much to the point that I only hang out with the same friends since waaaay back. I realized that the world is so big to limit myself. Majority of my friends are no longer here and some who are left behind have questionable place in my hierarchy of relationships, but I digress.

Anyway, I find contentment and happiness when I'm around these people...

Grace's birthday party at Villa Immaculada

After party at Music Bank

at the Philippine Supreme Court

Azrul's Manila visit

Gremlin's house party

Yes, they are the same people who, once upon a time, were involved in verbal tussle against each other. The foundation of the friendship is our passion in the craft that we love best-- DEBATE. They are some of the brightest minds in the Philippine (and Asian) debate community. It's nice to know though that we- or at least some of us- can hang out without mentioning debate. :D We watch movies, do karaoke, dine out, go on house parties, talk about life and do all sorts of landichi. For those reasons and for so much more, the only biological rose among the thorns is extremely thankful.

* photo creds: Grace and Gremlin

Goodbye, 2010!

I know, this is a belated New Year's post but holidays in the Philippines is usually the most stressful time of the year. Nonetheless, I have to write and pseudo-evaluate the year that was in order to assess things. I need to keep things in perspective. Let go of those that didn't work out the way I wanted them to and just learn to value more the keepers.


NEW/IMPROVED RELATIONSHIPS
1. My Techno loves. I've been friends with some and was initially acquainted with most of them from way back but the bond was sealed over great music, cocktails and constant analysis of our life's drama.
2. Partner. We've been hanging out for more than a year and I can say that he's really a keeper. He understands what I want-- my need for personal space, my drama queen syndrome, my love for KTV, my passion for intellectual discussions, my love for hats and boots, my intolerance to mediocrity and stupid remarks. The surprises, the road trips, the comforting words when I was going through hell with someone important in my life. He can be my best friend! haha
3. Nice people at work. I may not be an extreme exclusivist but I certainly know how to compartmentalize. I hang out with my friends because they are my friends and I go to work because I have to go to work. I don't mix things because they usually mess up everything in the end. But I'm lucky to have some really nice people at work. So screw compartmentalization, they just made it to my pyramid of friendship.

 MY LIFE'S FIRSTS
1. Got really, REALLY, really drunk. Panagbenga in Baguio, I may die and resurrect but I shall never forget you!
2. Recorded a cooking sesh. Guesting in a cooking show is part of my bucket list so I guess this is substantial compliance of the goal.
3. Went to a gay bar. 'nuff said. hahaha.
4. Spent Holy Thursday and Good Friday away from home (and family).
5. Became a lector and a commentator.

MEMORABLE TRIPS (No, I'm not elaborating why ;p)
1. Taiwan with the boys.
2. Tagaytay road trip with Wen.
3. Panagbenga Festival in Baguio.

HAPPINESS ROAD BLOCKS  
1. The post-trip detachment. (we're ok now, I guess).
2. It all started with canceled meet-ups with former important people. Snowballed into friendships gone wrong (so yeah, I canceled them in my life).
3. A lot of my friends left the country this year (Thank you, technology, for making the physical absence tolerable).

THANK YOU 2010
1. For allowing me to build new relationships and strengthen the old ones regardless of the distance.
2. For being a very good year for my sister whom I love dearly. You made her a full-fledged doctor, a top incoming IM resident choice of the only hospital that she applied for, and you made it possible for her to stay with us after our years of separation c/o medschool.
3. For a good working environment.
4. For the new experiences with my constants.
5. For that nice Tagaytay road trip and the emotion-filled 9 pm view deck experience.
6. For all the UAAP events that I was able to watch free of charge. (It pays to be connected ;p)
7. For teaching me how to embrace calculated risks and appreciate random detachments.
8. For all the food adventures with my family and friends.
9. For keeping my family intact.
10. For simply being steady.

I KNOW THAT 2011 IS A GOING TO BE A GOOD YEAR BECAUSE...
1. Of a possible business opportunity.
2. I know that my friends got my back.
3. I have a continuing offer from my friends to visit them abroad.
4. After all the bumps and temptations, my values are still intact.
5. I am fabulous and I don't see any reason why it is not going to be a good one. hahaha ;p

The Ring

"Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the way we expect it." (Luna Lovegood, HP)

This quote practically played back in my mind when I saw the ring that my mom gave me some few years back tucked in the deepest corner of my kikay kit.

Wow! I've been looking for the said ring for months now. I last saw the ring on the day of shobe's oathtaking. I used it to add a certain vibe of formality and class on the said occasion. I was too tired to remember where I placed it after the ceremony. Of course, moms are intuitive and after a couple of days of not telling her that the ring's pseudo-missing, she asked me about it. I told her the most general answer at that point. I just said "Di ko po makita pero for sure I left it in my room. Maybe it rolled somewhere." My mom is smart so obviously she did not buy my alibi. She's aware that I do keep my accessories in a box and I do have boxes for rings, earrings (for the studs and pearls since I have a separate storage for chandelier, drop and hoop earrings), bracelets (which are subdivided into bangles, beads, cuffs etc.) and necklaces. Case in point: I can get carried away in terms of organizing my accessories so the ring "rolling somewhere" was a bad argument. I may be an ok adj and a pretty decent debater but I suck at lying especially to people who know me.

Mom would ask once in a while if I was able to find it and I would have the same answer every single time. Honestly, after an entire day of looking in my room, I've given up. I have the attention span of a 2 y/o and patience in an endeavor gleaned as an exercise in futility is not my strongest virtue. So I just left everything to St. Anthony of Padua, the patron saint of lost things, hoping that the ring would miraculously show up. And thankfully, it did!

So Luna's right. We should not stress ourselves too much looking for the things that we lost. If they are meant to be ours, they will find their way back us. Sure, things may no longer be the same again but we are not in the position of power to bargain and ask for more. After all, God is good. He may not give us what we want but he surely provides for what we need. And no, I am no longer talking about missing rings =)

On second life and seeing a new one

Tuesday was THE bomb.

Got a wake up call but instead of the usual "Wake up sleepyhead", it was "I've Had The Time Of My Life". How sweet cool was that?! Anyway, work was ok. I had fun talking to the girls. Went out for lunch with Keenan and we bumped into Wen's former student. And oh, it was also my first time to play the Lottery (Sweet Jesus, please let me win?).

Since mommy Johne gave birth to our godchild yesterday, Wen and I decided to visit her. After a couple of calls in between his horrific meetings, we came up with the most busy-people-friendly schedule.

As always, Traffic was awful but we had so much fun goofing around. We turned his car into a mini club and tried our best to sway with the music. He was crazily trying so hard to sing/dance to Bruno Mars' "Just The Way You Are" while manning the wheel when a girl crossed the road out of nowhere. Muntik na syang nabangga. Kami na ang biglang naging serious so eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel si Wen. hahaha. We talked about our lives instead. How stressful his life in the corporate world is. Love. Relationship. Future plans. In short, nag-emo na naman kami. It was like that for 30 mins or so until "I've Had The Time Of My Life" started playing on the background. Our eyes met and I let out a crazy screech as he increased the volume. We LOVE that song. Baliw-baliwan lang kami talaga. hahaha. And just when we're on the groove of playing Johnny and Baby, a stupid car swerved and almost hit us. Wen was able to hit the brakes before crashing into that stupid car. I swear, nagkapalit sana kami ng mukha ng dashboard kung hindi lang ako naka-seatbelt and Wen did not instinctly served as my human shield. I was touched naman because he protected me first. Ang bait lang. hahaha

So there, we went to super serious mode once again. I don't want us to be casualties of the saying that Bad luck comes in threes.

We weren't able to see Ashton John but I'm mighty glad that mommy Johne had a smooth operation. We were pretty worried because she had a sensitive pregnancy. We might visit AJ when they get home.

They say that a baby is always a blessing since it signifies new beginnings but after our brush of with 2 potential accidents, I can say that new beginnings are not mutually exclusive to having something for the first time or experiencing something grand. Because sometimes, it takes a minor detail to experience a complete turn.

Just because...

I don't want friends on facebook to know how affected I am...
I'd rather be pissed off in silence and let some random faceless people know about it...
I've been a victim of flakers for how many times...
I still feel guilty for ditching my bestfriend's offer to go to Bora in favor of a cancelled Bora trip with supposedly new friends...
I hate cancellations...
I declined Wen's Bora invite because I've given my word in favor of an impending cancelled Baguio trip...
I hate flakers...
I'm a control freak...
I've had two travel cancellations in a month (i'm still hoping for the Baguio trip to push through)...
I'm such in a foul mood right when work demands me to be Little Ms. Sunshine...
I miss my travel buddies...
I miss my friends who value the true meaning of commitment...
I'm tired of catching my twisted sunshine...
I need a good cry...
I need to reevaluate relationships...
I'm under selective detachment...

On Letting Go...

"Letting go" is probably the most used and abused concept of emo people. I don't dwell on this too much bilang strong ako because it is just not me. I hate transparency of emotions and I am not very good in answering personal questions. So I guess, I'm really not cut out for the entertainment industry because I would probably suck at Boy Abunda's Tough Ten. (bawal mag-judge. pop culture yan) However, recent events made me analyze such. (promise, lalagyan ko ng konteng puso kasi nga the subject calls for emotional dumping. keri?)
  
Letting go is said to be the hardest thing to do and deconstruct in any kind of relationship. Mikaela even wrote a pathetic song about The Art of Letting Go. A friend of mine practically erased all the songs in her Ipod except for this one and played it every chance she got right after she broke up with her bf. Of course, I wasn't able to understand kasi ako ang nang-iwan at hindi iniwan her but being a good friend, I just let her "cherish" the pain. When she came to her senses, I told her about what I read on the basic stages of letting go. You know-- denial, grief, anger, re-entry, and preparation for a new relationship. She just incredulously looked at me and said "Why do you have to intellectualize everything? Feelings are feelings. You can't switch it on and off nor can you find a step by step guide on how to deal with it on books. OC ka na, manhid ka pa!" I'm sorry? I was just trying to help and buti nga I said something with substance and basis. I was initially planning on telling her "Don't worry, karma's there so just let things be and allow cosmic justice to do its part." I think this is the part when they say that lovers are irrational. Gross.

What I don't understand is the fact that people find it difficult to just move on. While I agree that initial attraction is never a choice, love--just like letting go-- should be a choice. You can't choose who to like because attraction transcends one's cerebrality. However, what you do about that attraction is where free will comes in. You decide whether you want to pursue someone, jump into a relationship, end a relationship or pathetically be enclosed by the memories of the past. (fine, ang harsh lang)

In our lifetime, it is axiomatic that we would eventually be required to make a choice. Hard as it may seem, we know that we have to make one. Maybe because we are fed up of our daily routines or have gotten really, really tired and frustrated of the things that we can’t have, or maybe, just maybe, we miss our comfort zones. Choices, they say, are byproducts of deep perspicacity. We all have our means and methods of arriving into one. Some hibernate and lie dormant; others impose selective jurisdictional detachment while there are some who opt for countless solicitations of advice from friends. The latter is considered as the most common and tolerable in our system. In a culture where relationships and close affinity are valued, we often go to our families and friends in order have an analysis of the situation that we are into hoping against all hopes that they can give a rationalized opinion. But sometimes, we go to our friends willing for an affirmation in the guise of asking for an advice because we know it within ourselves that we already made a decision. This is the reason why no amount of explanation is enough when our friends explicate an option especially if it counters our predisposed choice. In short, joke time lang na gusto mo ng advice kasi ang gusto mong marinig, affirmation.

To be fair, it is really hard to let go, and I am saying this in a completely unromantic way because I believe that romance and letting go are not mutually exclusive. Letting go is stress-depression-stress-depression-cry cry-depression-jiritabels-depression-parati-na-lang-may-depression. So yeah, para syang puso ko-- HARD. I have experienced being left behind countless of times (and I mean, literally). Well, I have always prided myself for having great friends and for someone who really value relationships, I have high expectations. I was never a needy friend that's why no one can fault me for feeling bad when I wanted a friend at a particular moment and no one heeded. After all, I wouldn't be caught dead ringing a friend in the wee hours of the night nor flooding his/her inbox (except in totally isolated cases of drunk texting/calling). That is soo cramping my style. That is why I appreciate friends who keep in touch despite their busy schedules. Those who contact you because they just want to hang out and enjoy your company and not just buzz or give you a text when you are needed. This is the reason why it's very hard on my part to say goodbye to my friends.

I was sad when Lucky left for China but I was more ecstatic for my Olympics stuff his adventure. Besides, he was always in the Philippines and the postcards kept on appearing on my mailbox so kebs. Then he decided to become a conference magnate in SG. No big deal. I get to receive a call for like what, minimum of 3x a week? And then Melvin went to SG, Mark to Seoul, Kevin to SG, Lucky to SG, Maren to the US and Kid and Guddz to SG. Oh man! I hate moments of weakness kasi nga strong ako. But seriously, I just try to put on a brave front when I'm with my friends. I don't want to give them the impression that I am deeply affected whenever they tell me that it's time for them to leave. After all, I don't want to spoil the anticipatory fun. I want them to continue exploring life and what the other side of the fence can offer be it in acads or in  career.

Writing this is really hard. I am an evasive shrimp who hates confronting my emotions. I always choose to be happy regardless of how crappy life is. Again, personal choice. But yeah, sometimes, I should learn to "humanize" feelings. What can I do? I have to perenially drive in yellow because I don't know when the light changes into red, signaling that I finally have to stop being clingy and just learn to let go.

My debate favorites

I've been in the debate community for a long time. A lot of people would probably raise a brow upon knowing this because of the idea that we will only grow up upon leaving our comfort zones. Admittedly, debate has always been my comfort zone. But you see, debaters are strong believers that cultural perception is subjective. People don't just leave the community. There's a saying that debaters don't retire, they only become adjudicators. Right. Just like me, I did not retire (at least not yet), I only became an adjudicator. Well, since I've had my share of fabulousity in debate (pun intended), allow me to take you to a trip down memory lane as I take note of my debate favorites.

NB: these are relatively recent tournaments because I don't have the patience and the time to scan dinosaur pics :). And oh, these are local tournaments only. Might make another blog for international tourneys or tourneys participated by different nationalities.

After Debate Hang out: WAI YING

Wai ying is a chinese restaurant in Benavidez. We would often go there after a physically and mentally exhaustive debate training. Actually, Wai ying is loved by Manila debaters in general. According to Jayson, a debater from San Beda, "Hindi ka debater pag hindi ka pa nakakain sa Wai Ying". I think he's right. Debaters from as far as Katipunan go here to hang out with fellow debaters.

Post-training chill with our CSB-IVs shirt :)

Highschool Debate Tournament: PSDC (Philippine Schools Debate Championship)

PSDC is an annual debate tournament hosted by Ateneo de Manila Debate Society (ADS). I like this tournament because of its balance nature. Debate tournaments are usually toxic and stressful but PSDC always has a fun break night party. I remember the time when I was invited by ADS to become a Deputy Chief Adjuducator (DCA), we had a costume party for break night!

Adj Core in action
(with Dino from DLSU, Miko from ADMU, BJ from UP and Noel from SU)



break night party
(Berna as Sarah Palin, Jess as himself, Keith as Naruto,
Kip as Jason, Moi as Pocahontas, Jayson as a religious servant
and Gian as some random tambay sa kanto)

Announcement of winners at the Championship Dinner

Ma-drama Tournament: National Debate Championship (NDC) hosted by Ateneo de Davao University and National Debate Championship hosted by University of Baguio

Debate is really a rollercoaster ride, emotion-wise. One can celebrate like there's no tomorrow after a good round then the next moment, you can see debaters cry like a baby after a bad round or a terrible adjudication. Drama is everywhere. You can experience drama during debate rounds (this usually happens among institutions) which I consider as "external drama" or "internal drama" which happens after or before debate rounds (within your contingent). FEU is really not a "ma-issue" institution. We take pride on solidarity of its members. Basta in these two tournaments, we experienced internal drama. ;p

Pre-Championship Dinner with Steph and Jess at ADDU

We occupied a lot of rooms for our contingent but true to the
spirit of camaraderie, the kids and joeven
(he was a DCA in this tournament so he was billeted in the hotel suite)
would always gravitate to our room before going to sleep.
The drama happened in this room. hahaha

University-wide Tournament: 1st Nicanor Reyes Debate Classic

This tournament was the brainchild of the ORADEC during Gee's term as the President. It was actually a brilliant idea to expose the students to debate. Debaters are usually tagged as the school "elites", intellectual or otherwise, and this tournament helped in disproving such debate stereotype.

1st NRDC

In-house Training: Tagaytay Highlands

Before participating in a national competition, we would schedule a debate lockdown. This is a common practice of debate organizations. It is basically a debate camp where you debate, matter load and debate over and over again. It can go on for 3 days, 5 days or even longer. Our Bulacan lockdown was pretty memorable but since I don't have the patience to scan the photos, I would make do with one in-house training. This was memorable because we had one-on-one sessions. We also had group critique and bull sessions. I will never forget Gee for saying this "Honestly, hindi ko gusto yung mga bull sessions natin. I only learned one thing: kung paano magtanim ng galit." hahaha. Priceless.

laughing at our bad cases

Finally, we were able to see the sun!

PIDC tournament: 1st PIDC, Tarlac City

Philippine Inter-collegiate Debating Championship (PIDC) is a tournament hosted by the University of the Philippines Debate Society (UPDS). I love this PIDC tournament because I was able to exprience a lot of firsts: 1) This was my first time to become a DCA in a national collegiate debate competition. 2) My first time to be contingent-deprived (Mark was able to go with me and I'm perpetually grateful for that). 3) My first time to really hang out and bond with debaters from different institutions.

The 1st PIDC Adj Core (CSB, UPD, UPM, FEU, ADMU, DLSU and UST)

With debaters and adjudicators from ADMU, San Beda, DLSU and Lyceum
in my hotel room after break night party.

Fashion-friendly Tournament Venue: Baguio

During elimination rounds, debate tournament fashion is basically composed of t-shirts, shorts, jeans, tank tops and havs. Yup. Debaters seldom dress up during rounds because a room with pumped up debaters and a humid weather is a bad combination. You go for your most comfortable clothes during rounds and dress up when your team reaches octos. Baguio is a fashion-friendly tournament venue because you can experiment with your look by layering clothes and putting on accessories without fear of experiencing the oh-so-dyahe jabar while giving a make or break speech.

NDC, University of Baguio

NDC, Philippine Military Academy

Cadet Hop, PMA NDC

There you go, some of my debate favorites :)

Meet Princess Poshie

I normally love September but for this year, a huge fight with the nicest guy I know, FEU settling for 1st runner-up after topping the elimination round, a cancelled Iloilo-Boracay trip, potentially missing out on all the fun and intellectual bad-ass convo in this year's National Debate Championship, a good friend's resignation at work, and things coming short from what I expected, left me constantly singing Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends."

I guess stress took a toll on my body so I spent the first day of October getting chummies with my bed, magazines, and my personal doctors. I was able to easily recover, healthwise, but I think I also annoyed a lot of people by my constant niggling. Sorry ;p

Going to work is something that I always look forward to (sorry, tamang geek lang) and I am seriously happy that something nice is waiting for me in the office. Friends, meet Princess Poshie :)

I found her on top of my desk with a cheer-up note from my boss. Aww, that's the nicest thing that someone can do after a drama-filled month. He may be a brat like me (and I am saying that as a compliment. I'm pretty sure he would take it as such ;p), but he is really beyond awesome. Thank you for making me smile. :). I am claiming her as my mini me (bawal kumontra ;p)  so from this day on, I will take Princess Poshie wherever I go and will include her in whatever adventure I do.



Princess Poshie's view at work :) 



The Past

My lovelife was never an open book. I may be outspoken and little Miss Sunshine, but I do have my gloomy days and I always choose to handle this aspect of my life alone. A few days ago, I saw someone who is connected with the-one-that-got-away. Obviously, I was reminded of our past. When I decided to end everything, I wanted to give him a letter to let him know how I feel but I opted to write a journal entry instead. Now that I'm super ok (at bilang nakapagmove on na ko), I decided to post it. (yes, ako na ang strong :D)     

  

      Growing up is all about accepting and living with the fact that things don’t always work out the way you want them to.

      I know that I am torturing myself by writing this entry but I guess the urge to let it flow via self-expression is more powerful than building a wall or going on detachment. Like what joevz said “Cry, then move on…”. Ironically, I can’t find it in me to cry.  I just feel empty and alone.

     I have little respect in your institution, you live for the chain of command; I love to talk, you are a man of few words; I have an erratic fashion statement, you go for plain white shirts and jeans; I enjoy the rare display of my “goldilocks mode”, you are always decisive in everything. Tsk,tsk… We are a mismatch waiting to crumble. But despite the absurdity, we made an effort to live in our own world… a world of complexity and uncertainty. My choices rarely fit yours but instead of compromising, I would end up giving in.  A world mostly composed of giving in than compromise. Not a perfect one but then again, our set-up’s even far from being normal in the first place. The realization came in a little too late mostly because I was dismissive of entertaining the thought. Dismissive because I am happy to be your “special friend”… I was happy to be your “special friend”.

     For quite some time, the distance was never an issue. I would always take pride on the fact that we feel more physically proximate than those who have each other by their side 24/7. The way you manifest faux-anger when I don’t eat on time... those constant reminders to take care, bring an umbrella and go home early… the way you say “I’m sorry” even for the smallest thing that caused me pain. You always show small acts of sweetness that never fail to envelop me in the warmth of security.  We were on the same level but definitely on different planes but we managed to get by… for a while, that is. Somehow, things are no longer the same. We have lost our enthusiasm. Lately, our conversations are mostly devoid of zeal.  The nasty predisposition that’s haunting me suddenly came to life… We have come to the end of our journey. My friend said that maybe I’m making a hasty decision but then again, I can feel that we are really drifting apart… that maybe, you have already made the same decision before I even made up mine. Maybe, I want to have a win-win case. Maybe, I sometimes have the tendency to quantify the feelings that I give and expect to get a decent part of it back. But one thing is certain, I want everything rationalized and clarified, and in our case, that was lacking. I am not shedding a tear and my friends think that I am acting cool about it but deep down, I am languishing in despondency because the fact that this experience is way out of my league fails to temper the pain from within. But that’s life. You take some risks… you fall down… you get hurt but you also have to bounce back. I know that being perpetually dissatisfied is not my style but I still have boundaries to set and sanity to keep that is why I know when to say it’s enough and when to accept that it’s all over.

     Thank you for that blissful chapter but we have to close it because I don’t want to be left in the dark dreaming of us when in reality there is only me, and only you.

Weddings

I love weddings! I get all dreamy and flighty whenever I see a girl walk down the aisle towards her groom. I love hearing vows, the exchange of I dos, cute flower girls, silky bridesmaid dresses and snappy grooms men. I love EVERYTHING about weddings.

My love for weddings and my other passion, organizing events, allowed me to organize the wedding of a very dear friend in Fernwood, about a year ago. Wenski was my partner in that event and we managed to retain that partnership ever since :).

me and my constant partner in crime

This year, I was tapped by officemate/friend to be their wedding coordinator. The idea unleashed the checklist freak in me. I was suddenly asking the couple about their suppliers, the venue, arrangements, etc. I am excited to see the touch of moslem culture in the wedding since the groom is a moslem royalty. At this point, I consider the ocular inspection of the venue as the highlight of the planning phase. Manila Polo Club is really a nice place. It exudes class, subdued elegance and romance.

I asked my friend/officemate/wedding assistant, Tim, to take some pics of the area so that we can visualize the flow of the rites and program considering that we only have one venue for the entire affair.

This is the balcony in the function hall. (photo cred: tim :))

The banquet hall. (photo cred: tim :))

The place is perfect for the celebration. I am excited to add the Posh touch in this wedding. :)

Constant

It’s funny how we sometimes look at the list of our facebook friends and see names of former close but now unfamiliar friends. How we reminisce memories by looking at the photo albums starting from the oldest date of posting to the present realizing that your constant “picturemates” slowly make rare appearance as the album becomes more recent. At first, I would feel a lump in my throat when I think about it but now I know better because no matter how you feel and how the other party disregards you, at the end of the day, you are still facebook friends (babaw. hehe). I guess this a normal life occurrence. We meet people in our lives, we become close, things happen (or sometimes DON’T happen), you meet new friends, you realize that new friends value you more than the old ones, you stick with your new friends and you let go of the old. It is painful for a keeper like me who gives premium on nurturing and keeping people who are dear in my heart but that is a bittersweet memory that we all have to face. Good thing, there are some who remains constant. Those people who will laugh at you at your silliest and laugh with you when you are accepting enough to identify silly acts; cry with you when you are sad and hold your hand when everyone else decides to let you be on your own… those people who remain constant.


I managed to keep certain relationships alive up until now. I am very thankful for having some constants in my life such as my fabulous best buddy who were there for me when I was driving on rough roads. He’s a perfect balance of how friends should treat one another. Notwithstanding his intelligence, he knows how to be human and show real emotions. He is a thoughtful and caring friend who can give you a killer and rational analysis of a particular situation. Sure, we had our share of misunderstandings but what I appreciate about him is the fact that he complements my evasiveness. He is sensitive enough to know when something is amiss and can be really bold in confronting me to settle some issues. He maybe out of the country but he knows how to be a friend disregarding the distance. I have friends here and abroad (shout out to Mark :D) who are until now true to the real meaning of the word friend but this guy really knows how to live up to the true meaning of BEST friend.

Cheers to you, friend! Demotion or DEMOLITION aside, you will always be my brother by choice ;p (sorry, I can’t resist the private joke. hahaha)

Insensitivity

Some people will never learn the inherent value of saying kind words or just completely shunning away from tactlessness. I admit that I was once one of them and I still do commit that same mistake once in a while (I am/was a brat) but faith and determination willed me to be more cautious of other people's feelings. Maybe that is tolerable when you're still young, not that I'm justifying my acts before, but when you are a 30-ish individual who still resort to such, then maybe you have a problem.

What pisses me off are those individuals who tend to camouflage their bitchiness by playing cloyingly sweet and sickening nice when you're in a group then dissing you off every possible time you have alone. Tsk, tsk. I sometimes want to scream the hell out of them to shake their insensitive self but I'd rather take the high road and ignore them. Pointing out what's wrong with what you decide to do for the day, how you should handle your relationship and take care of your body is just plain pathetic especially if those who point it out haven't gotten close to having a romantic relationship (baka nga wala pa silang first kiss e), totally unhealthy, and do not even possess an iota of visual appeal. Two words: INSECURITY MUCH?

POSH IS BACK!!!

After more than 3 years of blogging hiatus, I can say that I am definitely back! Life for the past couple of years was kinda hard. I lost a couple of career-defining battles, downgraded some people in the hierarchy of friendship, turned my back on a couple of relationships and gained a hell lot of pounds (this is the only aspect I intend to do something about). Luckily, all the bad vibes were balanced out by some good times. I did a lot of traveling here and abroad (Taiwan will always hold bitter-sweet memories in my heart), rekindled some relationships, gained (really good) friends and experienced a lot of firsts. (some memories of the past 3 years are in my multiply account)


So what to expect? I seriously want to be apolitical and just concentrate on writing about fashion, food, travel and relationships but then again, that would be the end of me. So I guess, I can write about all of those things while being true with the title of this blog. Posh will continue thinking aloud while enjoying and celebrating life. :D

WHY?!

I'm soo having a bad day. Everything seems to fall apart. I'm getting tired of accepting all the blows. I wish I could be in a place where the only thing that I feel is the security of my friends' company.

Why do I have to always listen while you rant?
Why do I have to feel the recurring pain everytime your name appears in my inbox?
Why do you have to be so sweet then turn into a jerk the next minute?
Why can't I tell you that you are slowly destroying my faux-confidence?
Why can't I quit you?

Sidenote: thanks to Lucky for inadvertently making me feel good with an sms convo. Only Lucks is capable of turning a simple kumusta to an analysis of the slanted portrayals of Iranians in 300. haha

It's official!!!

"I'm scared. Really, really scared... I don't know what will happen after 5 pm. I just hope things will go our way. I fervently hope and pray that the lord will touch the hearts of those people who hold our fate in their hands. That God will give them the gift of compassion, understanding and consideration. As of the moment, the only thing that we can do is to pray... pray that we will leave no man behind."

The gloomy post did not materialize thanks to my two best buds Joevz and Lucky. They managed to keep me sane during those times when i was about to cross that thin line of sanity to insanity. After I got my grades, I was able to thank every person who helped me through law school. Whew! I guess, I tend to worry too much. Nonetheless, I'm very thankful because the wait was more of delaying my joy rather than prolonging my agony :0

Gotta rush to another batch gig, will post longer next time. teehee

Boundaries... 1st installment

I feel like a little bit more emo than usual so i'm warning you, if you're not that "into it", don't even attempt to scroll down. Oh well, here goes nothin'...

Have you ever experienced being sullen and blue because of all the boundaries around you? Boundaries that are either made by you or inadvertently made by people around you. I personally have those boundaries made around me. But unlike other people, mine is more of a matter of choice. They say that boundaries don't just keep people out; they also fence you in. This is a very sad reality one has to face in order to sway in the music called life. Though I personally made my very own boundaries, I feel that these boundaries are slowly taking up the real me.

Since I was a kid, the idea of my friends knowing the "real" me is a scray thought. I have this mentality that the "real" me is not the cool enough to be accepted much more, appreciated. Growing up in a community where the cool guys live in booze, clubbing and doing daredevilish stunts did not help me in overcoming the feeling that I am boring. Good thing, I managed to accept that one need not do the things other people do to be accepted and appreciated. I managed to have friends (real ones) during my jopay and tamaraw days... Enough na nga! Actually, my problem now is how to erase the perception that Im too cool for law school. haha So there, I'll make a longer post next time...

Some flick and i wishes...

I watched Blood Diamond yesterday with some law pals (vanj, she, joy, marlyn and reig) at shangri-la. It was a very nice movie. We also did some shopping and had some nice convo over a java and booze. Best part of it? I was able to browse my codal while waiting for the guys. GEEK! haha. Ok. I'm no-spoiler but I am really recommending it :) Also saw two guys during our gig. Kuya Sonny somewhere in Shang and Brian at Temptasians. It was a nice all girls gimik (of course, with the exception of she who gamely tagged along Zara, Chocolate and other girly stores. hehe) It was actually our last gig before taking a week-long hiatus for the midterms. Boo!
In a few days I'll be celebrating my 24th birthday. Yuck! Im getting old. Opps. Make that I'm getting FABULOUSLY old. haha. So, there. I did some thinking last night for my "wishlist" but my mind was kinda blah because of the booze so I only came up with a few.

* tons of greeting cards
* letters

Hay... I realized that making me happy is very easy. I'm not a big fan of material things. Basta, I just want tons of letters. I enjoy reading/ knowing what other people feel/think about me. But of course, I also appreciate really cool stuffs like * Indian-inspired accessories (you know those bracelets/ anklets with a connecting ring)
* Best of the following artists (Neocolors, The Company)* tickets for a show (ie. blue rep. hehe) and gerbera daisies.

This blog is not THAT public anyway because only selected and equally busy friends know my site so this is not a public plea to make me happy on the 27th but just a matter of creating an additionally relevant post. haha

Give me back my GI!!!

Insurmountable happiness was very apparent in the faces the Filipino people when the rape case filed by Complainant Nicole was adjudged against Smith. It was considered as a success not only of the Complainant but the Philippines’ rule of law as well.

However the order of Judge Pozon detaining Smith in the custody of the Philippines disregarding the “agreement” entered into by US and our government raises a question on the viability and legality of the said order.

In my opinion, it is but proper to uphold Judge Pozon’s Order of Detention. The argument of Smith that Judge Pozon resorted into his own interpretation of the Visiting Forces Agreement does not hold water in this case. What we should take into consideration is the fact that US already submitted Smith to the jurisdiction of the Philippine Courts as embodied in the VFA. It is then proper to assert that the logical implication of the same is to allow the Philippine Courts to take cognizance of the case based on our very own Criminal Proceedings and Rules of Cout. Meaning, it goes beyond the hearing of the case per se because it is inclusive of other matters appurtenant thereto ie. confinement of the accused pending appeal. It is then improper on the part of Smith to now claim that the Order of Detention was improperly laid because he is already estopped from asserting the same.

They say that the VFA entered into by the two countries has the presumption of regularity based on the Principle of Jus Cogens followed under the International Law because it is presumed that countries enter into an agreement or treaty in good faith. However, a deeper understanding can only be had if we transcend the technicalities. We must analyze what are the implications of submitting Smith’s custody to the US as well as the decision of the Court of Appeals mooting the said issue because of the so-called existence of a “new agreement”.

I believe that what the Executive department did was a supposedly shrewd political attempt to salvage US-RP relationship disregarding the fact that it would undermine not only our rule of law but the best interest of the Filipino people as well. On the other hand, I can say that the “so-gay” decision of the Court of Appeals upholding Judge Pozon’s judgment and at the same time rendering the transfer of Smith to US embassy moot and academic was a status quo decision that fails to make a very clear stand on the matter.
Sadly, the Court of Appeals failed to anticipate the repercussions of the said decision. The fact that Smith’s custody is in the US embassy presupposes the fact that the Philippines already lost jurisdiction over the person of Smith. In effect, the execution of judgment on the case would be an exercise in futility because I don’t think that US is imperceptive enough to surrender Smith to be penalized by the Philippines. Furthermore, rendering it moot and academic due to the existence of a new agreement between the two countries is a manifestation of blatant disregard to our domestic law insofar as treaty enforcement is concerned. It is because, for a new agreement to be valid, it must first be ratified by the Senate because it purports a new intention of the parties separate and distinct from the original.
I am not a big fan of Nicole because personally, I still believe that there was no rape (but then again that warrants another post). But when a public officer mandated to protect and serve the people is the same individual maligning the rule of law and betraying his countrymen, then that is something or someone worthy of a blog rant.

To join or not to join?

Last week, the public was utterly disgusted with the unabashed disregard of the House of Congress to the doctrine of bicameralism enshrined in the 1987 Philippine Constitution. The same was manifested when they misrepresented and maligned the true meaning of the provision effecting the change of the Constitution via constitutional assembly. Ironically, the injudicious act came about right after the Supreme Court, under the Chairmanship of former Chief Justice Artemio Panganiban, adjudicated the Lambino Case on People’s Initiative with finality against the petitioners. Nonetheless, the goal of the petitioners and that of the majority party in the Congress is the same, to bring about Constitutional Change.

This post is not all about the viability of such change but rather the legitimacy of the act of the Lower House in invoking that voting of the Congress in connection to the establishment of a Constitutional Assembly should be done jointly with Senate. But before anything else, let us analyze the implication of allowing joint voting vis-à-vis separate voting. In the former, the play of numbers has a very, very significant role. The fusion of the two chambers will disregard the power of the Senate to have a voice in the issue due to the obvious advantage of the Lower House insofar as membership is concerned. In my most humble opinion, the Lower House failed to contextually analyze the language of the law as well as the intent of the framers of the 1987 Constitution. It seems that there is only one instance wherein the Congress is allowed to have joint voting and that is only in the case of martial law. The purpose of the limited power is in order to uphold Bicameralism. In Bicameralism, separation of powers is the thrust of the framers in requiring that public power be symmetrically divided between the House of Congress and Senate. This is a borrowed principle from the United States which was carried on in the 1935 and the 1987 Constitution. This is actually a response to concentration of powers. The intent of the framers is to effect participatory and direct democracy. Applying it to the two chambers, we see that every power vested to the Lower House has a counterpart in the Senate. For example, the House of Congress has the authority to initiate the General Appropriation’s Act because proximity wise, they are expected to know firsthand the needs of their constituents, Senate on the other hand, must assent with the proposal since it is a national institution which is expected to have a greater institutional competence to reflect the interest of the nation; House of Representatives is the only one vested with the power to file an impeachment complaint against the president, Senate for its part is responsible with the trial. This shows the fact that they are co-equal even though the House of Representatives is more numerous.

Moving on, it will then appear that the act of excluding Senate is a sui generis exemption to the Constitutional mandate of separate voting. The more pressing question now is what is needed to be done by the Supreme Court? I believe that they must issue a Preliminary Injunction to enjoin the Congress from proceeding with the Constitutional Assembly due to the fact that it is presumptuously illegal. The House of Congress might invoke that it is a political question; however, it is an issue that involves great public interest which, in effect, justifies court intervention

At the end of the day, we have to look back and learn from our past mistakes. Let us be reminded that the same thing happened during the Marcos regime when Senator Taňada’s request for injunction was denied not because it was not meritorious but because the Constitution was already signed by President Marcos rendering the said issue moot and academic which became prejudicial to the Filipino people. It is a technical detail that will surely place Chief Justice Puno into test. Jose De Venecia will possibly count on the new Chief Justice for a 7-7 voting outcome which is insufficient to declare the act as unconstitutional. But there is always hope. History should tell us that people have lied so many times in the past. Hence, we have to be vigilant in protecting our collective right to live in a safe place by upholding the rule of law.

Detachment

Being a law student opened my eyes to things which are only susceptible of being understood by someone who experienced the same. At first, I thought that legal profession was all about being heartlessly technical and apathetically mechanical... doing what is right regardless of one’s plea of mercy. I guess I was wrong.

A professor of mine once said that lawyers are very emphatic. They don’t settle for short, brief and concise statements. Instead of saying that the contract is void, lawyers will say that the contract is null and void. Others just say sell but for lawyers it must be sell, transfer and convey. For the myopic minds of other people, these are just plain verbal diarrhea used by those in the legal profession to crow, but I say otherwise. For me, strong conviction is the thrust of resorting to verbosity. It is a glaring manifestation of one’s passion relative to his/her claim. Because those who are in this profession don’t believe in the concept of spontaneity, they plan. That is one thing that I imbibed in law school. I now plan in order to conquer the insuperable and consummate what is imaginable. And this, I should say, is not mutually exclusive to law school. I do plan even as to the execution of minor things such as hanging out with friends, giving out presents and even allocating my scanty free time bonding with the members of my family. That is the reason why I find it very hard to accept things that don’t go my way. Why it is very difficult for me to bounce back from failure and disappointment. Why I always resort to isolationism when I am hurt. I guess being overly passionate about things can be painful. Why? Because there are certain things that you really can’t control. But then again, absence of any willful and deliberate intent from other people to spoil what has been planned is just an artificial refinement insufficient to shield you from getting hurt in the end. Luckily, law school also taught me one good thing- the art of concealment. It is the ability to exude vim and perkiness discounting the fact that you feel otherwise. That is the reason why the Rose Lyn that people know is a far cry from the leaden and desolate lady when her efforts are ignored, heart broken and plan advertently or inadvertently crushed.