A BEFUDDLED MIND

It has been a long time mula noong huli akong nag-reflect ng mga bagay-bagay sa paligid ko… At ngayon ngang nagkaroon ako ng time para gawin ‘yon, parang mas lalo kong na-realize that im still at lost sa napakadaming bagay.

Since I was I child, I was considered as a strong willed person… Alam kung anong gusto, at hindi natatakot na sundin kung ano man yung magpapasaya sakin. Sabi nga, I stand for what I believe is right and I can move mountains to get what I want… Pero bakit ganon? Parang ngayon ko nararamdaman kung gaano ako kahina… Kung gaano kalaki yung space na kailangan kong punuan para maging masaya… Noon, alam kong gusto ko itong pinasok ko … Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, I may never achieve my goal of becoming the prime minister of the first world government, but what the heck?! Someday, i’ll be a good practitioner of this noble profession…
Pero andame palang obstacles… sabi nga ng friend ko, life’s not easy kaya you have to see to it na sigurado ka sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin… Sigurado naman ako, kaya lang minsan parang naiisip ko ng sumuko… Gusto ko na ng buhay na hindi complicated… Less ang pressure, wala masyadong hassle. Iyon bang hindi ka na iiyak dahil hindi ka prepared… Hindi ka na magde-decline ng mga offers na gumumik kayo ng mga friends mo… Hindi ka na mate-tensyon kung tatanggapin ka pa ba nila sa susunod.

Napakadaling isipin, but there are a lot of things to consider bago magdesisyon na enough is enough…

Can I answer all the “Why’s” na itatanong sakin?… Do I have the heart to tell my parents that I’m quiting?… After 10 years, kaya ko bang huwag isipin ‘yung mga “what could have been” kapag tinapos ko ‘to? Lastly, can I afford all my efforts to be put into waste?
Sa ngayon, I still can’t aver the answers to all of my self-imposed questions. And I believe, that when there is doubt, taking a risk is too much to do… Kaya as of the moment, I will continue with I’ve started… I am not giving up in the war, nor am I giving up in the battle…