Argh!

A week before the opening of 1st sem and im digesting cases! This is against my will but it's a product of my better judgment. Oh well, I have to do this for our barristers. Who would've thought that being in the acads committee means sacrificing your social life?! ha,ha

Bumming Time

Two more weeks before the start of a new SY. For some, it's no biggie but for someone who spent her entire summer in the four corners of the classroom, it's high time to maximize the remaining 2 weeks of no-pressure and bumming time.

I was an advocate of the annual ORADEC bonding/vacation. The other year, we went to Pangasinan and Baguio while last year's summer break was spent in Batangas. This year is different, there were no late night gigs and beach bumming. At first, joeven and ate Ans thought that it will never materialize because of a lot of concerns. But we managed to pull it off... Hell, we had our bumming time in my place! ha,ha... It was a night full of stories and a lot of bumming around. Though it lasted for only a few hours because Ate Ans' huby will be home in a while and Joeven, Kevin and Jaz didn't bring their clothes, we still managed to squeeze a lot of chikas.

Ironic

It is quite ironic when people get reunited only when bad things happen, like when someone dies.

That is exactly what happened yesterday. Brian's dad passed away. As his former debate teammate and a good friend, I went to their place to extend my sympathy along with our friends. Ate Ans, Joeven, Ama, Jerome and I were happy and sad at the same time. Happy because we get to see each other after years (that's true for Ama and Jerome) and sad for Brian. After a few hours of rekindling the old times (which comprises majority of KC and RC's "anecdotes"), we decided to head somewhere before going home (old chinese belief). So we went to Gateway and had a goodtime.

It was nice to be with these people. Aw, I have to stop before I go mushy all over!

Reunited

Last week was a very exciting week for the quadruple alliance (especially for Grace). It was then that Mike (her BF) visited the Philippines. Finally, I was able to meet Mike personally! ha,ha. It was kind of him to treat us to dinner. Actually, Grace said that it was meant to a be a surprise but what the heck?! If you're friends with Ros Lyn and Laurence, surprises are not more likely to be kept. ha,ha... So there, we went somewhere in West Ave. for a buffet dinner then we're off to Punchline. BTW, Mike's friends-B, Given and C are with us...

OK, off to Punchline... It was a Wednesday so there's not much of a crowd. Grace requested Lence and I to sing. I declined for the nth time before finally surrendering. After all, declining Graces' request is next to impossible especially if Lence is there to back her up. After a few shots of Hannesley and a bottle of beer, I was able to go onstage and sing. There goes my reputation! ha,ha..

Looking Back

Yesterday at 4 pm, i've decided to go to mass with my mom and my sister (much later than our usual time which is 9 am). It's quite funny that Franz's gate is open. They only do this when there's a party at their house. I suddenly came across the sign "Happy Silver Anniversary to the EPISTLES CHOIR). I saw Arni at the driveway and she signaled me to come inside. I guess I did not overcome my shyness coz i declined the invitation.

You see, I am/was a member of the Epistles when I was in highschool. But with the dictum "once an epistle, always an epistle", I guess i did not stop being one. It's nostalgic to see those familiar faces and hear those familiar voices. But deep down, I felt a funny feeling. I guess i miss these guys more than ever!

In joining the Epistles, I was motivated by my need to have an escort at the dinner-dance in St. Jo, and I thought that being a member was a good move considering the ubiquitous goodlooking guys of epistle (well I was in HS then when being a kikay is still cool! ha,ha). My motivation easily vanished when I attended the screening. I nearly freaked when I found out that I was the only highschool student in the choir. All of them were in college (even my Bedan crush- Franz)! At first, I did not imagine myself being in a group such as the Epistles. I thought i will never fit in because I can't talk about college stuffs. Later on, I realized that I was wrong.

Tetet (our best soloist), Sonny, Robert, Malou, Julet, Janice, Alex, Dolfs, Danreb, Franz and the rest really made me feel that I belong. They would call me to remind me of practices, pick me up at 3 in the morning when we have to sing for the simbang gabi, and drop me off if we finished practicing at the wee hours of the night. Non-church activities include a lot of bumming time at kambal's place, parties for all occassion and our very own family day (oh yes we have one!). They really know how to party. Well don't get me wrong, these guys also see to it that we deliver good music during our service. BTW, we are the resident choir of Stella Maris College and we also do some service at the Nativity of our Lord Parish (pretty in demend huh! wink).

After a few years, I realized that choir rehearsals and parties are eating a big share of my time. It was then that I stopped joining in their services. I promised though that I will "reactivate" my membership after finishing college. Well, that did not happen because of the demands of law school. But I guess, just bumping into them once in a while brings back the good memories that we once shared.

Good Riddance!

Well, Im keeping my promise... Last night was pretty stressful. The agony of waiting for the infamous exam in conflict of laws is bad enough but I never thought that the exam itself is the peak of my agony! It was a multiple choice type. You might think that it's easy because I just have to pick a letter then you're off to the next number. Heck! It's far more complicated from what i've expected. It's like taking a logic exam 20x harder.
Oh well, it's water under the bridge. For now, I just have to wait for the result. I'm crossing my fingers.

MASOCHIST

For quite some time, I've dreaded the idea that I enjoy hard work and tension. Now, I've realized that I really do. Heck! It took me 3 years before I accepted that. Ha,ha. I guess that's what law school teach you...

In a few hours, I'm going to take the infamous final exam in conflict of laws given by an equally infamous prof, which-I-would-rather-not-say-his-name for obvious reasons. My recit grade is quite decent but I don't want to take chances so I'd better wrap this up and start studying. Will write about the exam this evening or early tomorrow.

a gloomy day in my equally gloomy life

from my february 5, 2005 entry

It's 7 in the evening. i just had a torture afternoon (transpo exam and credit recit- as usaual i got called).

Last night was the worst night in my entire life...it's over.For the past 19 months, i was an epitome of a martyr woman(or so it seem). You gave me my saddest birthday and a lot of sleepless nights, remember? But last night was different. I wasn't the same patient and caring person. I was really mean and heartless. I was beyond caring... Hearing those words really blew my senses. I can't imagine somebody telling me that i'm stupid and that i'll never become a good lawyer (hell, i'll prove you wrong!). I thought i was mean, but you were meaner. I endured so much. I sacrificed some of my personal time and my relationship with friends that were there for me long before you entered into my life. I don't wanna sound so sassy but for somebody who stood beside you, that was the harshest thing to do/say.

Reading your txt this morning was like reading a note from hell. I can't put my act together, i know i can never be the same girl that everybody loved.

There are a lot of things swirling in my head... how am i going to act as if im ok? how can i make other people happy the way i used to do when deep down i know that im hurting? Good thing i have my friends... grace and lence were always there for me. Like what we always talk about-it's your damn loss not mine:) oh well, life sucks... but this time, life sucks BIGTIME!

ok, tama na emote gotta meet a friend (miss ko na 'to e, tagal na naming di lumalabas...BONDING!)

“Destination… Happiness”

Sa buhay natin, it is seldom na makita natin yung taong talagang makakapagpasaya satin… yung “THE ONE” na hindi magpapa-iyak pero makakapagpadama na para tayong si Princess Sarah!

Pano ba naman, most of the time, akala mo sya na… magpa-promise sya ng lahat ng bagay just to make you happy…ibibigay sayo the best things that money can buy. Ayun, hindi na tuloy natin nahahalata kung gaano nya tayo nasasaktan… kase konteng sorry lang nya ok ka na naman… konteng text lang nya, feeling mo compensated na lahat ng bad things na nagawa nya. Pero kung patuloy na ganito yung mangyayari, we don’t realize na pati tayo unti-unting nababago…But come to think of it… para ba ‘to sa ikabubuti natin o hindi?
If these things will continue to happen, dalawa lang naman yung pwedeng mangyari e…

First, magiging apathetic ka… wala ka na lang paki-alam kung saktan ka man nya or hindi. Kung dati iniiyakan mo yung mga times na nasasaktan ka nya, ngayon ang drama mo tipong “bahala sya sa gusto nyang gawin”… ang iisipin mo, at least kayo pa din kahit na lahat ng friends mo nagsasabing nuknukan ka ng tanga! You are now trapped in a situation na para kang robot na pinapatagal yung relasyon nyo kahit na ang tingin ng mga tao sa paligid mo e isang napakalaking joke ng ginagawa mo.

And second, magiging paranoid ka… yung tipong hindi lang sya makapag-text akala mo me ka-date na sya sa Podium… o ma-late lang sya ng two minutes iisipin mo ng hindi ka na nya mahal kaya binabalewala ka na lang nya. Worst, pag me ginawa sya sa’yong sweet na bagay like pag binigyan ka nya ng flowers itatanong mo agad sa kanya “ Para saan ‘to? Me kasalanan ka no?!”… O, di ba ang pathetic?! Ang masama pa don, lagi kang nasa defensive side… kase ayaw mo ng mag-self pity kaya inuunahan mo na. Ayun, ang labas, mas lalo kang kawawa kase you tend to worry too much.

Sa parehas na sitwasyon, it will always boil down to one thing… hindi ka magiging masaya… It will only become a vicious cycle until umabot sa puntong hindi mo na alam kung anong gagawin mo… Dahil sa dami ng diversions, hindi mo na din alam kung pano ba talaga magmahal.

Sabi nga nila, lahat ng sobra e hindi na nakakabuti… If you think that sticking in your so-called “relationship” will lead you to the realm of apathy, why continue?… If you think too much worry will lead you to paranoia, why prolong your agony? Kahit na sabihin pa nila that worry is like a rocking chair that gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. Still, the fact remains that you are not happy with the way things are going and staying with that person will only push you in the quandary of loneliness. Sometimes, we have to make decisions no matter how drastic it may seem… For once, matuto tayong maging matapang… Let us take the risk of losing that person to preserve our individuality… Let us be brave… as the old adage goes…” Brave man may not live long, but the cautious man may not live at all”.

A BEFUDDLED MIND

It has been a long time mula noong huli akong nag-reflect ng mga bagay-bagay sa paligid ko… At ngayon ngang nagkaroon ako ng time para gawin ‘yon, parang mas lalo kong na-realize that im still at lost sa napakadaming bagay.

Since I was I child, I was considered as a strong willed person… Alam kung anong gusto, at hindi natatakot na sundin kung ano man yung magpapasaya sakin. Sabi nga, I stand for what I believe is right and I can move mountains to get what I want… Pero bakit ganon? Parang ngayon ko nararamdaman kung gaano ako kahina… Kung gaano kalaki yung space na kailangan kong punuan para maging masaya… Noon, alam kong gusto ko itong pinasok ko … Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, I may never achieve my goal of becoming the prime minister of the first world government, but what the heck?! Someday, i’ll be a good practitioner of this noble profession…
Pero andame palang obstacles… sabi nga ng friend ko, life’s not easy kaya you have to see to it na sigurado ka sa lahat ng gusto mong gawin… Sigurado naman ako, kaya lang minsan parang naiisip ko ng sumuko… Gusto ko na ng buhay na hindi complicated… Less ang pressure, wala masyadong hassle. Iyon bang hindi ka na iiyak dahil hindi ka prepared… Hindi ka na magde-decline ng mga offers na gumumik kayo ng mga friends mo… Hindi ka na mate-tensyon kung tatanggapin ka pa ba nila sa susunod.

Napakadaling isipin, but there are a lot of things to consider bago magdesisyon na enough is enough…

Can I answer all the “Why’s” na itatanong sakin?… Do I have the heart to tell my parents that I’m quiting?… After 10 years, kaya ko bang huwag isipin ‘yung mga “what could have been” kapag tinapos ko ‘to? Lastly, can I afford all my efforts to be put into waste?
Sa ngayon, I still can’t aver the answers to all of my self-imposed questions. And I believe, that when there is doubt, taking a risk is too much to do… Kaya as of the moment, I will continue with I’ve started… I am not giving up in the war, nor am I giving up in the battle…

"E-MAIL VIS-A-VIS LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP"

Sabi nila, love is all about making sacrifices… giving without waiting anything in return… Yeah right! In a utopic world, siguro yun nga yung love… Kaya lang, pano kung at the onset, di na natural yung set-up nyo? Nandito ka sa Pinas, nasa ibang bansa naman sya… You never even had the chance to be with that person ng matagal… Hay, sa tingin mo ba, ok lang sayo na lagi ka na lang maghihintay? Luckily, naimbento yung e-mail noh?! Kung hindi, siguro kasing unstable pa din ng dati yung mga long distance relationship ngayon… Let’s now look at an in depth analysis ng kagandahan ng e-mail sa isang long distance relationship in three planks...

First, meron kayong sense of attachment sa isa’t-isa… Let’s look at the perspective ng nasa isang long distance relationship… Syempre, you can’t expect your partner to call you often kase nga it’s not practical (although merong madalas mag-usap). But nevertheless, pwede kang mag-send ng e-mail every minute na gusto mo… Hay, feeling mo tuloy ang lapit lang nya… Sweet messages na feel mong i-browse araw-araw. At kahit ilang beses mo ng nabasa, di mo pa din binubura… As a matter of fact, meron pa nga syang sariling folder sa e-mail mo e.

Second, pwede mo ding ma-gauge yung trust factor ng bf/gf mo… Syempre, pag magkalayo kayo, lahat na lang dapat isini-share ng partner mo sayo… Being an honest girlfriend/boyfriend, bigay ka naman ng lahat ng facts of your life… Up to the point na pati yung password mo binibigay mo na. Syempre, pag hindi nya binigay yung password nya, meron yung negative implication… Iisipin mo, “What’s with this dimwit at ayaw ibigay yung password nya? He must’ve been hiding something from me…”. Siguro iisipin ng iba, it’s an incursion of privacy… AS IF?!!! Love is all about sharing di ba? (Well, my opinion not yours… he,he).

Lastly, it serves as an online detecting device… Para syang, detector ng mga nangyayari sa kanya sa ibang bansa… Paano?! Ganito lang yun… Kapag meron syang mushy stuff sa e-mail nya, pag alam mo yung password, made-detect mo agad! Actually, inter-connected sya with the second plank… Dito nga lang, it’s assuming na alam mo na yung password nya… In other words, pag me e-mail account sya, especially pag alam mo yung password nya, MAILALAYO KA SA PAGIGING ISANG DAKILANG TANGA!!! Pwede mong malaman yung mga nag e-mail sa ka-on mo na merong kahina-hinalang karakter! Pano mo ba malalaman na kahina-hinala yung karakter na yun? Syempre, pag ang nabasa mong tawagan nila ay honey or baby, gawan mo na ng arbitrary action dahil hindi naman yun yung pangalan ng ka-on mo e! Pag me nakita kang picture ng babae/lalaki na ipinadala sa kanya, at nakita mong reply pala yung… Awayin mo na lalo na kung sayo e hindi man lang sya makapag e-mail… Ikaw naman si bobang submissive, sabihin lang na busy sya ok na sayo… Busy daw tapos me makikita kang ganon?! Buti na lang, hindi ka masyadong magmumukhang tanga… Kase nga, mababasa mo sya, first hand info pa di ba?!

Hay naku… Ang hirap talaga ng ganito noh? You can’t help paranoia to sink in… Buti na lang me e-mail… You don’t have to spend much just to be connected with your special someone… Yun nga lang, minsan via e-mail mo din nalalaman yung kalokohan nya… Kaya bago ka pa ma-inis sa kaiisip doon, let me suggest one thing… MAG-FRIENDSTER KA NA LANG!!!